Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
