absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
