Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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