Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
