Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
