then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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