your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wear drunk well.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
