Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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