it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
