its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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