Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
