The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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