Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
