What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
