is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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