I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
