onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
