Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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