Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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