Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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