While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
