I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
