so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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