now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
