Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
