You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
