there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
