I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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