she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
