She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
