It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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