I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
