I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
