Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
