dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
