i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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