what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
