I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
