I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
