so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
