The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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