Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think i have herpe
just one?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
