How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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