I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i love accidental penises.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
