Reggie can tackle my bush.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
