So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
