So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
