Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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