Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
