Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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