There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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