He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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