so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
