The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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