As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
