the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
