I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
