do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
