He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
