You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
