i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
