Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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