Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
