you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
