last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
