It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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