In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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