yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
