He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
