he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
