he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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