She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
