Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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