I am spending my child support on dildos
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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