Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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