I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
