like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
