thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
