i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
