That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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