Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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